So, I've got a lot of Scorpio; typically, it behaves itself and allows the Libra SUN-PLUTO and Virgo rising to take over. But there's something to be said for the MOON, MERC, EROS, and LILITH in a natal. Speaking of natally, I'm an EROS/MOON=LILITH, and my MOON is 1° conjunct URA. All 3H. My 8R is even conjunct (7°) and parallel. While I'm not legitimately polyamorous, I am certainly liberal in my approach to relating.
... Except lately.
Perhaps it's because I've now had a complex sexual relationship for the past 10 months, and certain aspects of my personality have been reactivated. I'm not quite sure. I do know, however, that I feel as if I'm discovering that I can't quite express myself as fully or comfortably sans some form of commitment; even if it's as simple as my partner not conducting another relationship without my knowledge.
Or we may just be outgrowing the 'friends with benefits' or 'lacking any label' dynamic that we've had. Further, good friends have reminded (as well as my husband) that he's the last person on Earth I should fear being abandoned by. Still, I do. As it all started surfacing during a huge karmic configuration of transits, I suspect it may actually be karmic in nature. I'm petrified of his sudden abandonment -- and inexplicably so.
But, despite my terror, I'm also most inclined to do and say nothing. I'm not sure why; it's as if my own Uranian independence opts to begin the 'disentanglement and detachment' process -- without any warranted cause. Just the fear alone.
Have you guys any experience if tSATURN crossing a nURANUS can suddenly make one often so cool-headed and non-possessive fear things like abandonment and need reassurance? I can't truly feel that I need a commitment from him, or I'd ask him. Surely. Instead of ... simply not doing so. Every time.
We have something of a VENUS/URA DW as well: I barely count his URA conjunct my VENUS, as it's 12°, but the fact my URA is 0° square his VENUS inclines me to at least acknowledge it.
We have such lovely progressed aspects at present, too: his nVENUS conjunct his pSUN, and my pVENUS conjunct my nSUN; both 0°. Also, my pVENUS is conjunct his nMARS, 2° and applying.
Things are good. They're very good. My husband and I are happy, and enjoying the fact that so much is changing for the better. That I'm finally healing; we all are.
So WHY am I SO scared? WHY can't I just do as I always have, and sit back and not worry?
Synastrically, his nVESTA is exactly conjunct my nLILITH. This is a very good thing. Curiously, my nVESTA is also conjunct his nVENUS, 3°, and his nKARMA, 1°. My NNODE is right in the midst of it all, too.
I trust him. It doesn't make sense that he'd suddenly discount everything we've become to find 'a real relationship', abandoning all that we have. Even if my original thought was that it'd all be temporary, and that once we had healed our mutual wounds in this area ... that would be it.
It's SO not 'it'. As iQ had said, this is a lifetime relationship. So I want to treat it as such.
Any inter-aspects you guys know of which could be activated by transits and suddenly make one very fearful of abandonment and loss?
We have a fair bit of PLUTO, too; his on my VENUS, mine sextile his VENUS; his MOON opposite my PLUTO (and SUN). We have a nice Grand Fire Trine, too -- his VENUS (11R) and MOON (8R) with my NEPTUNE (7R), all within 1° of each other. And, if you count his AMOR (4H, in my 7H), MERC (7R) and my MOON (11R), a 2° Grand Water Trine as well.
That SHOULD soothe me. It typically does.
For some reason, as things start going more 8H and less 5H ... suddenly, I'm concerned and fearful. Very uncharacteristic of me!
I'll happily post some charts if that would help. I'm just spitballing to see if any specific synastric aspects and transits might be the culprit here.